05 Jan Are You Listening?
Are you Listening?
“Don’t go, just wait a bit.” That’s what I heard The Holy Spirit say to me as I was walking across the front porch heading to my van. I said out loud, “Lord, if you really don’t want me to go just don’t let the van start. It’s covered in snow and ice anyways. Then I will know you seriously don’t want me to go.”
As I start the van and work to clean it off I am mentally preparing to make the trip off the snow and ice covered mountain. Needing to get to town to pick up things from the assisted living home where my mother in law lives, to take the items to her at the hospital. She’s been there a few days now and isn’t doing well at all.
I breath a sigh of relief after safely making it down the driveway . Then I look at my gas gage and realize that as soon as I get to town I need gas. I pull into the gas station and the pumps aren’t working. So I figured well I get gas after I pick up my mother in laws things and drop them off to her. Once I get to the elderly home I mask up and prepare to get her things. The staff at the home said my brother in law was already there to pick up the things. He was going to take them to the hospital. What? Oh they must mean my husband not his brother…..his brother didn’t even know I had arranged to pick up her things for her. So a bit frustrated at the lack of communication I call my husband. He was like no….my brother did pick them up. He went to get Mom’s check book to pay her rent. Ok, well that was annoying but at least I can still go see her at the hospital. After finding a parking spot, putting my mask on again, making sure my hand sanitizer is in my purse….I’m ready to enter the hospital mid pandemic. Once locating the correct set of entry door for visitors, the lady at the door can’t hear my tired voice well with the mask on and from being out of breath. Consequently she has another lady come to aide me…..mind you…I’m not a very quiet person. The other lady looks at the book for the room number and said my husband is the emergency contact only he can go in and visit her. Really!? He and I share a bed! Ok, ok, protocols….mid pandemic, I get it.
Feeling even more frustrated and sad I can’t see her and like it was a wasted trip to town. I head to the gas station to fill the van up and then plan to switch it for my husband’s truck at his employers office. I get the gas filled up and the pump won’t print me a receipt, so annoying! So I am trying to memorize the amount to write in my check book later. I drive over to my husbands office to switch vehicles since I know there is no way my van will make it up the driveway. After gathering all my things up and walk over to the truck feeling kicked in the teeth from the frustrating morning, low and behold the truck is locked. With my key inside of it that my husband left in there for me. Really? Now the full emotions hit. Tears of sadness, frustration, and irritation are pouring down my face. How am I going to get home? I leave my husband a quick voicemail that the truck is locked with the keys in it and I’m going to try and get up the driveway with my van. If it won’t make it I’ll leave it at the bottom and walk up. After hanging up the phone tears are really starting to pour, especially after I looked at my shoes. There was no way those little slide on shoes could handle the mountain with the snow and ice. I keep driving home, hopeful and praying, “Lord, please let this van get up at least half of the driveway.” Once I arrive at the bottom of the driveway, I take a deep breath and the van climbed up the hill. Not one little slide, hesitancy, or resistance the van just charged up the driveway. I pulled into my parking spot and praised God for getting me home without me having to walk the driveway. Feeling emotionally drained and defeated I walked across the porch and heard the voice of God again. He gently and loving whispered to me, “Please listen to me without trying to negotiate.”
As a mom, I have always stressed to my kids that I want them to listen to me the first time I tell them something. For their safety and protection. Now sitting hear feeling very convicted of not listening to God I ask His forgiveness. He wanted to protect me from chasing my tail and a lot of stress. Sadly, I didn’t listen. I called to talk to my mother in law and make sure she received her things. She was working on a puzzle trying to distract her mind from the hard situation of being lonely, sitting in the hospital, and not feeling well. When I shared with her that her son picked up the things I had arranged to pick up and take her she simply said, “Oh well, he needed something to do.” She didn’t know of any of my struggles of the morning. Nor did I want to burden her. I laughed to myself thinking well, guess I needed something to do to. It just wasn’t much fun.
Most importantly though is the verse that keeps coming to my mind due to the mornings stress. Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gently and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 (esv)
What burdens, trials, and struggles are you carrying today? Go to God. Give it to Him, He can handle it. He wants that relationship with you and you just have to listen to Him.
Prayer for today.
Lord, please always speak to me in a way that helps me to listen. Grow my faith each day as I live out my life loving and serving you. Thank you for the rest for my soul.